Gays on Reddit who’ve been to conversion therapy share stories

1. Man I don’t even know anymore. Went through a year and change of conversion therapy because my parents are just homophobic as can be. Conservative Christianity accepted blindly with little critical thought will do that I suppose. I don’t blame them too much, they only got it from their parents to begin with. Sessions ranged from horrible to “meh, not awful” based on who I was seeing at the time, cause I was passed around between a few therapists whenever the previous one “didn’t cure me”.

Lots of dumb attempts at fixing me by creating silly associations, similar to some other commenters. I remember specifically there was strong attempt to try and connect gay thoughts to jail time in my head, that messed with me for a little.

This all happened as I was turning 14 and continued till 18 when I could refuse to attend any more. It sure didn’t turn me straight, but it did make me somewhat homophobic too. Basically I just hate myself, other people can do what they’d like, I don’t really mind. I just never got to grow up and develop sexually, never got to experience my teenage years without being berated, and I’m going on 12 years of depression now because of it.

2. I became religious in my teens and came out to my parents so that they could take me to a Christian counselor, in hopes that I could become straight or at least asexual. The Bible suggested this was possible in [1 Corinthians 6:9-11](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians+6&version=ESV). I was part of an online community of other gay people trying to convert, and some of the people in that community claimed to have successfully converted. I had also contacted Pastor Stephen Bennett who claimed to have converted, so it seemed possible to me based on all these thing, as wildly unlikely as it seemed.

My parents thought it was fine that I was gay (my mom moreso than my dad) and didn’t want to take me to a Christian counselor, but I was adamant. By the time they caved and finally took me, I wasn’t Christian anymore. So my time with the Christian counselor was half-hearted and I was dubious of most things he said.

His process was based on the idea that I was gay because my relationship with my dad was inadequate and because I hadn’t been affirmed in my masculinity when I was younger. He wanted me to do more manly things and get closer to my dad. My relationship with my dad was fine and I didn’t have any interest in sports, so I didn’t follow his advice.

The counselor asked me what I liked about men. I said I wanted to be held. He said, well why don’t you find an athletic, assertive girl? A well-muscled one. That will do the trick. I was skeptical then and it is laughable now how little he understood what gay people want.

When I stopped seeing him, he offered to give me a book about gay conversion. I had been playing along so far, pretty half-heartedly, so I thought why not. I accepted the book, and then he balked. He said that he only wanted to give it to me if I really wanted to convert. I realized I had to tell him the truth for the first time and told him I wasn’t actually interested in converting, and left.

3. Didn’t go to camp but I was put in Church of Christ conversation therapy by my parents. Basically was just told I had a mental disorder for an hour a week for like 6 months. Also told that as I grew up I would grow out of it, and that all I had to do was pray and trust God. A different kid at the same church as me came out and was completely rejected. Total disfellowship. After that I lost my respect for that congregation. I still respect real Christians but those are very rare in churches these days.

4. Well I AM gay and I had to go to “Christian service camp” when I was in high school. But at the time no one knew I was gay (even me, really). They preached a bunch of “love the sinner, hate the sin” shit. We did kumbaya bullshit around camp fires and all that camp-type stuff with a whole bunch of Jesus added. People cried and asked for forgiveness a lot. People started talking about being molested and/or having premarital sex. They weren’t punished or anything, just hugged and prayed over. I have kind of blocked it out but I remember a few of the leaders organized these activities to challenge our beliefs. One of these activities included putting some of us in a makeshift “jail” because they were trying to make them renounce Jesus. They would taunt them and and mock them and crap like that. Another time we all had to walk around outside blindfolded asking the counselors questions in order to figure out how to get to heaven or hell while blindfolded. The “angel counselors” always told the truth and the “devil counselors” always lied no matter what they were asked. You had to figure out how to ask in such a manner that you knew who was trying to take you to hell with them. I went to hell. Shocker. Although the worst and probably weirdest thing was on the last night, they set up a cross laying flat on the ground and one just past it erect with a standing platform. We kind of formed a line and would lay down on the cross while the person after us would hit the cross next to our hands with a big rubber mallet. So we could feel the vibrations and hear the sound of the beating echoing through the woods. Then we would get up and stand on the next cross with our arms up and others would mock us and yell all kinds of slander. Then more crying and praying at the campfire.

Sorry if it’s not exactly relevant. Just my experience.

5. “I’ll never forget the day I came home from school my freshmen year to see my parents sitting, waiting for me with serious looks on their faces. They had, of course, found gay porn in my browser history. My heart sank. This led to regular visits with my local Mormon leader and a Mormon therapist that he recommended. This guy got a lot of business off of church referrals. I alternated sessions in private and with my father. The therapy was oriented to ‘repair’ the relationship with my father that must have been broken.”

“I was also given tips like fasting and praying, or singing my favorite church hymns to myself when I saw a guy I was attracted to. Things were more intense at church. I went to a series of speeches geared toward the youth of the church where one speaker talked about how watching porn would lead you down an inevitable path that ends by you becoming a homosexual and then a child molester (which obviously isn’t true). I was told that sexuality was a sin, specifically, homosexuality was a sin in the same category as murder because it perverted the tools for the creation and destruction of life. I poured myself earnestly into scripture reading, praying, fasting, and doing every absurd thing my therapist asked. I was overwhelmed with feelings of shame, disgust, and fear. My father must have seen it written on my face one day while driving to therapy. He told me that if I didn’t want to keep going I didn’t have to. I only began to question things when after all my efforts, the promised heterosexual feelings never did come. It set me on a path to question everything else about my worldview. It was a long road after that coming out, and now most of my family has come around. My very shy mom even bought a book about gay Mormons and gave it to other moms that she SUSPECTED of having gay sons. I’ve since come out, get married, and am living proudly on my own terms. It did make me stronger having gone through it, but I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”